Forgiveness

Life is...Forgiveness

I was talking with a friend about a circumstance in her life, and it was so easy to say, ‘Forgive. It is for you, not for them.’ and ‘You can try to help people, try to show them a different way, but you can’t change them. You’re only responsible for yourself.’

The last statement alone is a pretty daunting one that I often don’t want to face. It’s easier for me to see a problem in someone else and “fix it” rather than see a problem in myself and have to do the real, hard work. 

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:4-5 

Wow, harsh word from Jesus, but the directness shows us how serious this issue is in our lives.

While I was “giving advice” to my friend I was thinking about my own circumstance and a person that had hurt me. I shared how bitterness, hate, and resentment had  consumed my thoughts and couldn’t help but pouring out into my life. I knew what I had to do, forgive, but I wasn’t ready to fully forgive and pray for them. When I was finally ready the words I prayed nearly choked me; it was hard! But I finally felt liberated from the bitterness and able to truly move on. Then one day they said something that brought it all back, and I was hurt - again. It would be easy to remove them from my life, and sometimes that is possible and the best thing to do, but let’s face it there will always be people that hurt us whether they mean to or not, and sometimes we can stop associating with them, but sometimes we can’t, and it is “a thorn in the flesh” as Paul says in 2 Corinthians. Maybe by going through the ups and downs of forgiveness with different people or the same person over and over we realize how many times someone has to forgive us for something we did or said, or didn’t do or say. And more importantly and more humbling God’s unending love for us and how many times He forgives us. 

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Service

Life is...Service

October 31st...what a great day to thank the men and women who serve our country. Why? Because it’s just another day; just another day we have freedom of speech, freedom to worship, and so many other freedoms we take for granted, because we’ve been blessed to live in this great nation. 

“As a country, our best days are not behind us but in front of us.” Do you believe this? Honestly, when I first heard this at a Red Rocks concert I did not. Daily we are reminded and convinced that this statement is as far from the truth as it can be. But is it? I am not under the illusion that everything is great, by all means it’s not, but are we ready to believe that our country can be great again? Will we “fight” for the idea that this country has more to offer our children, grandchildren, great-great-great grandchildren? For God “changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others.” Daniel 2:21 It is scary yet peaceful to realize that God is in control of our government, the good, the bad, the deception, the triumph...all of it. 

It’s easy for me to get caught up in the doom and gloom of this country (and this world), but today I want to stop and appreciate those that continue to see the good, the possibilities, in people...those that put others above themselves whether it be the Marine, the firefighter, or even the cop who gives out speeding tickets to unappreciative motorists.

Thank you and God Bless America!

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Peace

Life is...Peace

I walked into my grandpa’s room and immediately bawled. I tried to stop, knowing it wouldn’t help him, but this was not my grandpa. He was not the man who gave me rides in the nail bin at the hardware store where he worked, not the man who took us to Chicago to see the Cubs play, not the man who bid on a pinochle hand before picking up his cards...and mostly won the hand, to my dismay :) 

Though his body was still there, his spirit seemed absent.

It had only been a few months since I saw him, but the change was drastic. 

I attempted to talk about the weather, football, Christmas...nothing. Not knowing what to do, how to spend this one-on-one time with the grandpa I loved, knowing it was probably one of the last times I’d have, I held his hand and read the Christmas story - Matthew (minus the first 17 verses :)

An instant peace fell over us. His hands stopped shaking, the constant moaning ceased, and all was still. He even began to really hold my hand and truly be present. If I stopped for a drink the shaking and moaning returned, but as soon as I began reading it was an immediate change...a Christmas miracle.
Our time ended with Grandpa being able to tell me, “I love you!”

Though I want to remember my grandpa as he was before that day, I will always treasure the special moments we shared on our last Christmas Day together as I read about Jesus coming into the world to dwell among us and His promises.

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Loss

Life is...Loss

Recently I have become vigilant about what I say to a grieving family after a loved one has passed away, namely what questions I ask...how old was he, did she have kids, was he married? I have asked these questions countless times myself, because I didn’t know what to say or genuinely wanted to know more about the person. However, I discovered that these questions, though not meant to be hurtful, often are, because what the grieving person hears is...since they didn’t have kids it’s not as sad? Because they were a certain age it’s okay? We try to make the loss easier or comfort others, but many times only add to the pain. We don’t need to rationalize someone’s death, but realize that no matter how old, how they passed away, or what their marital status was: that person is missed. 

I realized this more fully when we miscarried for the second time. The first time was physically painless and happened quickly. This miscarriage was drawn out for days, included two visits to the midwives, two ER visits, was physically painful, and ended with emergency surgery. I have realized over the last week that though our baby was never born, he or she impacted a lot of lives: from the ER doctor who had tears in her eyes as she gave us the news that our baby had died, to friends and family who grieved with us, and to me being so thankful to have our son - even more thankful each day than I was before, which I thought was impossible. 

As mothers we have been given such a special gift in carrying our babies. My husband is not struggling with the loss as much as I am. We both have profound faith and know that it is God’s will. We’re not angry, and we know our baby is in heaven, but at first I was a little upset that he wasn’t mourning as much as me. Then God put something on my heart...I carried the baby, if only for a small time.

I was reminded of our baby growing inside of me every moment of every day, where he wasn’t. Every coffee not drank, every back pain, every upset stomach, every excruciating cramp was a reminder that I had a baby. What a special gift God has given women, though pregnancy and birth are uncomfortable, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I pray I will be given the opportunity to carry another baby - and carry him or her full-term, to hold another baby in my arms, to give him or her love. This is my prayer. 

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