Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Another Child

Life is…Another Child
My most viewed post by far has been about my miscarriage. It is something I think about every day – I don’t know that it’s in an obsessive way, just in a way of, I can’t forget about the baby we almost had.  I wanted to do something to remember and maybe finalize the grieving process – I wanted to sponsor a child, monthly giving, to a child that needs help. I picked a boy that was born on the day that our baby died.
People grieve and remember their miscarried babies in many ways. I pray this is a good way to continue the grieving and healing process.

Sunday, December 2, 2018

I Need Baby Jesus!

Life is...I Need Baby Jesus!
Since we started decorating and talking about Jesus being born at Christmas Rachel will not stop saying...
-I need Baby Jesus.
-I want to see Baby Jesus!
-Where is Baby Jesus?
-I can’t sleep without Baby Jesus.
-Here is Baby Jesus!

*She has been carrying around and sleeping with this little nativity. And showing it to all of us, all the time, so much so, that it is kind of annoying. She wants to read books about Baby Jesus, only watch shows about Baby Jesus.

+BUT what if I was a little more like Rachel? What if I couldn’t stop thinking and telling others about Jesus. What if I needed Him more?

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:1-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬  “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

Friday, September 21, 2018


Life is...Busy
What percentage of people define their life by the word BUSY? 95%? I don’t know, but I understand. That’s how I would describe our life right now, and it’s true, and I know so many people are really BUSY. My grandma is busy – I think she has more on her social calendar than I do, and that’s amazing!

I kept thinking this morning what if we tried to describe our life in more than just BUSY?...
-Busy & overwhelming.
-Busy but good.
I think a problem can become if we tell ourselves or speak “BUSY” all the time – that’s what we are, even if we can slow down. Even if we are slowing down we don’t feel it.

The worst part may be that if we are constantly speaking “BUSY” into our lives we miss out on where God wants to speak His BUSY in, but we may not give a Him a second to tell us who to be BUSY with or what to be BUSY with.

Is it the right kind of BUSY?

Friday, July 27, 2018


Life is...Shots
We took David to the doctor's office for his annual check-up. I had been prepping him that he may need to get a shot. He was very upset. Mad. I tried to explain that I was only allowing it, because if he didn't get the shot he could die. That a little pain now is better than getting really, really sick. 

While we were at the doctor's office they also had to get rid of the wart on the bottom of his foot. So, the nurse came in to give the shot. David sat on my lap. I was holding him. He was mad about the shot and cried, but that was over pretty quickly. 

Then came the wart removal. The nurse had to DIG + DIG + DIG it out. I held and huggged him.
Chris and I tried to talk to him and comfort him as he cried and said, “IT HURTS!” After the digging came the freezing – OVER + OVER she placed it on the infected area. More tears. More begging us to make it stop. It was hard for me as a mom, even knowing why it was being done. 

More hugs and trying to explain why this was happening. After it was over (and some ice cream) he was fine. 

But it made me think... is this how God deals with us when we are in pain? 
-Trying to comfort us. 
-Trying to explain to us. 
But how do you explain? 
How do you explain to a five year old the reason for the shot? 
Do they really understand? 
Or do you just hope that they understand how much you LOVE them and that you wouldn’t allow the pain unless it was necessary. 

That there is a BIGGER picture. That it will help them in the future. 
Is God saying something similar during our time of pain?

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Tuesday, July 3, 2018


Life is...India
I am not doing well. Mentally. I don’t know how to process this all. I just want to hide. To sleep. To get away from all this. I don’t even know what “this” is. God I’m feeling so much and I’m scared. I’m scared. What am I supposed to do with these feelings. What am I supposed to do when I can’t even think. When I can’t even put words toge
ther when I don’t know what I’m thinking, just that I’m feeling something. I’m hurting Lord. I’m hurting. I feel in a daze. I don’t really want to talk to anyone. I’m afraid they will tell me something that I’m not supposed to hear – that is not from You. What do I do with the knowledge that You have given to me today? What do I do with it? It feels like it’s suffocating me. I don’t know what’s suffocating me, just that something is. 
I think it’s so hard to know what to do – what to think – how to act. Lord, I don’t even know what I’m writing, just that I need to write, just that I need answers, just that, just that. I feel like you’re breaking my heart, for what purpose? What should I do? What should I do? I don’t want to get caught up in the silliness of this life, of what doesn’t matter, of conversations that will only hurt me and not build me up. I take things so seriously, so emotionally, so deeply, and sometimes I can’t deal with it. Who can I trust? Who can I share with? Who will give me sound council? 

I take things so personally, and I want to fix everything, and things impact me so deeply. I want to retreat. I don’t want to know more. Break my heart for what breaks yours, but I don’t know if I can. My heart isn’t as big as your heart. A verse just came to mind, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” ~Isaiah 55:9 I’m so tired. This has made me so tired. Exhausted. I don’t even feel like I can smile, because I’m hurting inside. I have to remember I'm only seeing a small portion, a tiny story, and God I pray that You, only You, only You, only You show us what to do with that.

A little background…this was written in India after hearing firsthand, horrific stories of persecution – beatings, death, and rape because of their belief in Jesus. Their resolution to not back down from their faith – not denying Jesus. It was so much to take in – too much. 

I wasn’t sure if I would share my feelings and writing  – it is not well-written, but it is real. It is truth. It is raw. After writing and writing and writing - not knowing how I was going to get out of bed and face the rest of the day God gave me what I needed – not all the answers, but enough peace to continue. To smile. To rejoice. 

But, it doesn’t really matter where I was coming from. I think every single person has felt like this – overwhelmed, actually more than overwhelmed, drowning, right? 

If I lay my burdens down. If I take the TIME to talk with Him. He will answer you. He will give you Peace.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." ~Matthew 7:7-8

Wednesday, May 30, 2018


Life is...Never-Changing
What an untrue statement – life is always changing. Whether we want it to or not. 

I have been praying so hard for others lately, really saddened by things happening, and it has consumed my thoughts. It really doesn’t matter what it is; we have all been there. 

Change is hard. 
I realized when I say someone or something changed, it probably did, but just as probable is that I changed
That is a combination of the 2. 

I was praying for circumstances and people and listening to the worship portion from a service a few weeks ago while putting dishes in the dishwasher. They sang the song Tremble by Mosaic MSC, and I just started bawling. 

Peace, bringing it all to peace
The storm surrounding me
Let it break at Your name

Still, call the sea to still
The rage in me to still
Every wave at Your name

Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear
Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus

Your name is a light that the shadows can't deny
Your name cannot be overcome
Your name is alive forever lifted high
Your name cannot be overcome

I cried and cried and cried. Arms lifted high. Surrendering. Once again.

Things will change, people will change, the world will change, I will change, but God never will! 

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
Hebrews 13:8 NIV


Friday, May 25, 2018

Life is...Where Are My Keys?!

Life is...Where Are My Keys?!
Right now I feel so overwhelmed by everything. Like every little thing is a big thing. I know I need to get away when I can’t find my car keys. That’s not a big deal, everyone does that, but it is a big deal when I drive in the bank drive-thru, turned off my car, but obviously I drove it into the drive-thru lane, and didn’t get out. Then the transaction is done, and…I can’t find my keys!!! 

Well, that happens to me a lot. I put them in different places no matter how many times I tell myself I will only put them in one spot! But I LOOKED + LOOKED, went through my purse 3 times, really went through it, even opened up my wallet to see if it was in there. I looked through the trash, checked my pockets 4 times. Checked the dash, checked the floor, opened up the car door to see if they had somehow fallen out, even though I had just rolled down the window. 

Finally the teller came back to see if I needed anything. I had to tell her I couldn’t find my keys and asked if they were by chance in the thing you put your checks into (yes, great wording). She showed me they weren’t and asked when I lost them. 
How embarrassing!!!
I lost them in the last 5 minutes!

Another look around the car, and I have gone from frustration to panic. Seriously, how am I going to get out of this drive-thru lane? Put the car in neutral and push? 
David asks, “Mommy, are you going crazy?!” 

Yes, yes I am! 

I finally enlist my son, and ask him to unbuckle and come to the front and start searching. I look everywhere again, and then finally look further under my seat. 
How did they get there? How could they get so jammed under my seat within a few minutes and never moving? 
Since my husband works for this credit union I’m sure he’ll hear about his crazy wife! 
I need a vacation!!!!!

“Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Psalms 61:1-2 NKJV