Life is...Waiting 4 Death

Life is...Waiting 4 Death

Just rants. Just rants. Just rants.
No checking. No filter. No censoring. No...

Just pure emotion. Pure heartache.
Pure sadness.

Confusion.

What?
What am I supposed to do?
How do you wait?
How do you wait for someone you love to die?
How do you go on as normal?
How do you be there for them?
What is enough?
What is right?
What helps?
What?

Cry. Cry. Breakdown.
Grieving before the death.
Grieving as if death had already come.
Grief.
Pain.
Sadness.

What do I say?
Do I pretend everything is normal?
Do I breakdown?
Do I say everything I’ve said before?

Do you know?
Do you know how I feel?
Do you know how much you’ll be missed?
Do you know?

Memories
I have them.
No - it’s not enough.

Don’t say contrite things.
Don’t try to take away my sadness.
Let me be.
Let me mourn.
Let me.

It may not be right, but this is how I feel.

I love you Gma!

~Nancy Bruscher
www.GenerationsToGenerations.com
Dedicated to Capturing Memories
Blog: https://lifeisbynancy.blogspot.com

Skinny Jeans

Life is...Skinny Jeans

So, I have a pair of skinny jeans in my closet with the note "Before I was pregnant - fit into them again." It's been almost 8 years & 

I'm throwing them away! 

It is not a real incentive to eat better or workout more. It does make me feel like a failure. I don't think my hips will ever go back to the way they were - and that's ok. 

I'm not giving up on being healthy and feeling good, but I don't need jeans I wore before I was pregnant to gauge how I'm doing health wise. It's like a scale - personally I don't see the purpose for one in my home. I know if I am gaining weight or losing weight without a number. And I'm grateful my parents didn't have one in the house growing up. Some of the high school memories I think about often is...
-When I would go on a walk with my mom, and she would tell me how beautiful I was. I didn't think I was, but I knew she truly believed it and that mattered. 
-When I was at a restaurant with my parents and some of their friends, and someone commented that I was eating too much. My mom put them in their place right away. "You will not talk to my daughter that way." 
Funny that I think about that so often; probably because most of us think about our looks or our weight A LOT.
I didn't really want to tell those two stories, but felt for some reason I should. I hope it's helpful.

Here's what I would hate, for someone's first thought of me to be..."Oh yeah, she got back into those jeans she wore before she was pregnant."
Wow, who cares?
So why would I keep them?
I have things in my life that I actually care about. That I actually want to do. 

So goodbye skinny jeans! Hello goals that I actually care about!

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David's First Blog

Life is...David's First Blog

"It's been really hard the last few weeks. It's been really hard, because we haven't been able to go out of the house. We haven't been able to go to church at daytime. We haven't been to go to church at nighttime. We haven't been able to go to the rec center pool. It's been really hard." 

~David

I hugged him and said, "I know!"
"Let's think of things we are thankful for."

"Not now, Mom."
That's ok - sometimes you just need time to be sad.

I was so proud of him - that night he had a whole list of things he was thankful for - he just needed time.

When the pressure of this quarantine season gets to us everyone in our family reacts differently...

-David talks

-Chris is positive

-Rachel has extreme temper tantrums

-I cry

When both Rachel and David had several hard days in a row Chris decided to make something special for them to pass the time. They made an incubator & we are now taking care of 18 chicken eggs, hoping a few will hatch into baby chicks in 21 days!

Keep going! You can do this!

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10

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The 1991 Ice Storm & 2020 Coronavirus

Life is...The 1991 Ice Storm & 2020 Coronavirus

Yesterday was not a great day for me. I let fear get the best of me.
+Not fear of the virus but fear of how our life has been altered so quickly and completely by those in power.
+Fear of how long these changes will take place.
+Fear of what the "new normal" will look like and when.

+Fear of the economic fall out of these closures.

Last night a great memory came to mind - the 1991 Ice Storm. Yes, an ice storm - some amazing childhood memories come from those days with no electricity.

Now here's how I remember it - it may not be accurate - you would have to ask my parents, siblings, aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandma. 

Because the ice storm knocked out the power our family went into town to stay with my Aunt Karen, Uncle Jim, and 3 cousins. At least they had running water, because in the country when electricity goes out you don't have a pump to pump the water into the house. My grandma and grandpa also came to stay with all of us; they lived in the country too.

I don't remember...
...how we stayed warm (was there a generator)?
...being in fear.
...wondering when the electricity would come back on.
...wondering if the food would go bad in the freezers.
....worrying about how to cook the food.

This is what I remember...
~Having an amazing time with my family.
~No electricity. No TV. And loving it!
~Playing countless games, including MASH!
~Playing outside (I remember a snowmobile and building a snowman and fort).
~Sitting in the dark with candles and talking and playing.
~Going to my aunt and uncle's locker - I don't remember if it was to check on things or get food - I just remember having a ball playing in the dark, lobby area.

We had such great memories that for YEARS we would pray for another ice storm. Of course my parents were like....NOOOOOO! But what a testament to living through a hard, frustrating time and showing your kids the best part of it!

I want my kids perspective of the coronavirus not to be of fear and things that were taken away, but a memory like I have of the 1991 Ice Storm. 
And for their memories to be good I need to be in a healthy place - a place of love, peace, and generosity.

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Last Words

Life is...Last Words

What words of encouragement and love are you not sharing, because you are too busy?

"Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." ~Proverbs 16:24

Twice in the last year I did not take the time to reach out. 

About a year ago, on a Monday, I felt a tugging to call an elderly Mary Kay customer. I felt the tugging for 3 days, but I didn't call. 

I was busy. 

Truly I was, but really too busy to make a phone call?

Even as I felt this struggling and didn't do it I told myself - I'll do it later. 

If I could text her I could do that, that's fast, but she doesn't text. An actual phone call - I just dont' have time for that today.

Then I was on Facebook Wednesday night (I guess I had time for that!) and I found out she had passed away earlier that day. 

I had felt God nudging me to reach out, but I didn't take the time. 

It haunted me.

I don't know what I was supposed to say or what she would have said to me.

I decided I wouldn't be too busy again.

WELL....I guess I didn't learn my lesson because a few months ago I again felt compelled to call an elderly man, a Generations to Generations client. 

AGAIN, I kept putting it off. 

Same excuses...
I'll call soon. I'm really busy. I don't have time to actually make a phone call.

This time I received a phone call from my mom saying he had passed away.

I don't want to live in guilt, because that doesn't actually change me, but I do want to learn from these lessons. 

Putting off words of encouragement or just a word to let someone know they are loved and being thought of should not be dismissed or left for later.

This is an eerie verse that hits me to the core.
Jesus said, "I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give an account for every careless words they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." ~Matthew 12:36-37

My BIG question is - Am I more willing to "find time" to complain on social media more easily than I am willing to call and share words of life and love?


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A Song

Life is...A Song

During Halloween I was singing my kids songs I learned in Elementary school.

"I am a witch and my name is Tilly and I am going to scare you silly..."

How can I remember all the words to silly songs I haven't sang for decades?!

Songs seem to have a special hold on our hearts. They can stay with us our whole life and typically hearing them takes us back to a specific time and place.

The song "Raise a Halleljah" by Bethel has been especially moving lately.

When I first heard it during  a hard time it was a 

+prayer

+a cry out

+a pleading to God.

"I'm gonna sing, in the middle of the storm
Louder and louder, you're gonna hear my praises roar
Up from the ashes, hope will arise
Death is defeated, the King is alive!"

Lately when I have sang it it has been a praise & a reminder of where I was and how He is so faithful.

 

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Big, Small, or House Church?

What's the best church: big, small, or house church?

Here's the answer: whatever one you prefer. Whichever one God has called you to. Now I know you have reasons and convictions why you think one of these is the best, and that's fine, but there is no room for rudeness. When we judge and bicker amongst ourselves we are not only hurting one another and tearing one another down, but others see the hurtfulness and don't want anything to do with Jesus. 

Is this one reason Christianity is dying in America? 
Because we can't show love?

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:11-12

Some of the differences we have are minor. Kind of like California going strawless.  Yes, I understand the reasoning, but there are so many bigger humanitarian needs. Christians, let us not fight over whether to have a drum in worship or whether you can wear hats. It's imperative to have your convictions and beliefs, but let's keep our eyes on the prize.

There are people who are... 
-starving
-dying
-being killed for their faith
-in slavery
-forced into sex-trafficking
-living without the hope Jesus brings!

BUT we're too busy bickering about insignificant points. We're not all the same, of course not, all of us are different, so it makes complete sense that our faith journey and churches will look different. 

Let's show love first!

Then in love and prayer God may show you how to lovingly correct. If all we do is correct and judge without showing love no change will come. Only hurt and continual dissension within the Church instead of unity that lets Jesus' love shine into the world.

I started writing this post last October, but never finished, because my desire is not to cause more hurt or tension. I understand how hard it is. I have been to conferences where I was writing about this topic and the very next speaker was difficult to listen to. I did not like her delivery or agree with her. But I hear God reminding me - don't be so quick to judge. Love first.

Let me leave you with a positive note...

Our church has been going through a difficult season. There were many weekends I didn't want to go, because it was so hard to see people hurting and leaving. But David was always excited to go and many weekends a guest speaker would be there. The message was good, but what always stuck with me was they said they were praying for us and their church was praying for us. 
Now their churches don't believe exactly what we do, but they saw people hurting and instead of condemning or gossiping they decided to show love. They prayed, and we've had churches all over Parker, Colorado, and the U.S. showing their love and praying for our hurting church. 

THAT is the Church!