Life is...Waiting 4 Death

Life is...Waiting 4 Death

Just rants. Just rants. Just rants.
No checking. No filter. No censoring. No...

Just pure emotion. Pure heartache.
Pure sadness.

Confusion.

What?
What am I supposed to do?
How do you wait?
How do you wait for someone you love to die?
How do you go on as normal?
How do you be there for them?
What is enough?
What is right?
What helps?
What?

Cry. Cry. Breakdown.
Grieving before the death.
Grieving as if death had already come.
Grief.
Pain.
Sadness.

What do I say?
Do I pretend everything is normal?
Do I breakdown?
Do I say everything I’ve said before?

Do you know?
Do you know how I feel?
Do you know how much you’ll be missed?
Do you know?

Memories
I have them.
No - it’s not enough.

Don’t say contrite things.
Don’t try to take away my sadness.
Let me be.
Let me mourn.
Let me.

It may not be right, but this is how I feel.

I love you Gma!

~Nancy Bruscher
www.GenerationsToGenerations.com
Dedicated to Capturing Memories
Blog: https://lifeisbynancy.blogspot.com

Skinny Jeans

Life is...Skinny Jeans

So, I have a pair of skinny jeans in my closet with the note "Before I was pregnant - fit into them again." It's been almost 8 years & 

I'm throwing them away! 

It is not a real incentive to eat better or workout more. It does make me feel like a failure. I don't think my hips will ever go back to the way they were - and that's ok. 

I'm not giving up on being healthy and feeling good, but I don't need jeans I wore before I was pregnant to gauge how I'm doing health wise. It's like a scale - personally I don't see the purpose for one in my home. I know if I am gaining weight or losing weight without a number. And I'm grateful my parents didn't have one in the house growing up. Some of the high school memories I think about often is...
-When I would go on a walk with my mom, and she would tell me how beautiful I was. I didn't think I was, but I knew she truly believed it and that mattered. 
-When I was at a restaurant with my parents and some of their friends, and someone commented that I was eating too much. My mom put them in their place right away. "You will not talk to my daughter that way." 
Funny that I think about that so often; probably because most of us think about our looks or our weight A LOT.
I didn't really want to tell those two stories, but felt for some reason I should. I hope it's helpful.

Here's what I would hate, for someone's first thought of me to be..."Oh yeah, she got back into those jeans she wore before she was pregnant."
Wow, who cares?
So why would I keep them?
I have things in my life that I actually care about. That I actually want to do. 

So goodbye skinny jeans! Hello goals that I actually care about!

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